I know myself pretty well all things considered. When I’m upset, I can figure out why. I don’t know if that is any consolation. Part of being aware of myself makes me more critical. If I were to wander along blithely, upset for some unknown reason, then I’m just upset. When I’m upset and I know why, then I bash myself even more for knowing why I’m upset and being unwilling to improve the situation.
Isn’t it funny how we, as humans, cause ourselves so much suffering? You’re having a fight with someone and you’re just too proud or scared to go and talk to them. You’re feeling disappointed that something didn’t go your way and instead of accepting it, or taking action to make sure it doesn’t happen again you sit there and stew over how the world is unfair or so-and-so just doesn’t care about your feelings.
I’m just so human. The part of me that wants to stay in the shadows and suffer in silence to keep from inconveniencing anyone else. The part of me who wants everything to go on my set schedule because I planned it that way goshdarnit.
I want to resist those parts of me, I want to hide them, I want them to not exist because I’m ashamed of them. And the thing I struggle with is accepting them as a part of myself. They are who I am just as much as the good bits.
I completed my specific measurable result for the past week, and today I’m being human.
